The steam is as thick as smoke, billowing around her, the heat so oppressive that Chloe isn't sure she will be able to truly survive this. Momentary regret settles inside of her; a rolling fear of what she's gotten herself into, how she is going to accept dying again, if it came to that. Her first death was, of course, what ignited all of this. The crippling fear of her own inadequacies, her insignificant role in the grand scheme of this place, Wonderland, her new normal, it all plagued her every thought and every move. When she discovered what was happening outside of the safe zone, Chloe betrays her promise to Lucifer and steps right into the thick of it, knowing in her heart it was what she has to do.
It was the same knowledge that drove her to ask Seth to kill her, the same drive that forced her into the bowels of Tartarus and again to relive her worst memory over and over again. This time, however, she doesn't seek punishment; instead, she seeks closure, albeit in the most terrifying way.
Chloe has battled so many monsters since she arrived in Wonderland, and the most terrifying of them all is herself.
Her own doubts and fears manifested in a twisted version of herself, echoing the thoughts that haunt Chloe every night. It's your fault and they all know it. You abandoned Trixie. You betrayed Seth. You let Elena die. You put Lucifer in danger. He'll leave you, he's done it before and he'll do it again. He'll find out what you are, and he'll leave you. They will all leave you.
You'll be alone. You'll always be alone.
It's not an easy fight, but it is one Chloe will win. There's little that is cathartic about it, and she finds less solace in that acceptance than she hoped. When she finally returns to the safe zone, her hair heavy and slicked with water and sweat, her eyes red and swollen, she wonders if it is worth it. The shame that comes with her weakness almost defeated her, and Chloe wonders if that light Lucifer claimed to see in her has been extinguished by the part of herself that she has been forced to confront. But she did confront it, she let that darkness in, with the hope that she will be better for it.
She still feels small, insignificant, and weak. Then she thinks of Klaus in the hallway, his hand in hers, and the simple words he murmured. You're going to be fine.
For the first time, she believes him. All those doubts and fears never go away, but their blows are softened by the kindness of her friends, their gentle and wise words, and Chloe knows her light hasn't gone out because she can see it reflecting in Lucifer's eyes.
action; {backdated to the shadow event}
It was the same knowledge that drove her to ask Seth to kill her, the same drive that forced her into the bowels of Tartarus and again to relive her worst memory over and over again. This time, however, she doesn't seek punishment; instead, she seeks closure, albeit in the most terrifying way.
Chloe has battled so many monsters since she arrived in Wonderland, and the most terrifying of them all is herself.
Her own doubts and fears manifested in a twisted version of herself, echoing the thoughts that haunt Chloe every night. It's your fault and they all know it. You abandoned Trixie. You betrayed Seth. You let Elena die. You put Lucifer in danger. He'll leave you, he's done it before and he'll do it again. He'll find out what you are, and he'll leave you. They will all leave you.
You'll be alone. You'll always be alone.
It's not an easy fight, but it is one Chloe will win. There's little that is cathartic about it, and she finds less solace in that acceptance than she hoped. When she finally returns to the safe zone, her hair heavy and slicked with water and sweat, her eyes red and swollen, she wonders if it is worth it. The shame that comes with her weakness almost defeated her, and Chloe wonders if that light Lucifer claimed to see in her has been extinguished by the part of herself that she has been forced to confront. But she did confront it, she let that darkness in, with the hope that she will be better for it.
She still feels small, insignificant, and weak. Then she thinks of Klaus in the hallway, his hand in hers, and the simple words he murmured. You're going to be fine.
For the first time, she believes him. All those doubts and fears never go away, but their blows are softened by the kindness of her friends, their gentle and wise words, and Chloe knows her light hasn't gone out because she can see it reflecting in Lucifer's eyes.
After all, with all light comes shadow.
She's going to be fine.