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[thevulnerability]

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{ t e x t | v o i c e | v i d e o | a c t i o n }

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[poppycock]

[ he hasn't been avoiding the beautiful and enigmatic detective purposefully or pointedly. truth be told he's spent these long weeks avoiding the particulars of last month's events, or rather the feelings associated with them. all besides the usefulness of rage, of course. that he's channelled into the productiveness of preparing for and waging war.

he's at lux tonight in search of lucifer; half-business, half-pleasure. the devil's never been particularly reliable about answering his phone and he could use the change of setting and perhaps a drink. klaus stops, however, at the sight of the blonde at the end of the bar.

he stops, and hesitates. (it wasn't his fault. he still ripped apart the man she loves right in front of her. he still demonstrated with blood and viciousness the monster he is.

what will she see of him now? not the father she knew.)

klaus' jaw works. he glances down and fights through his foolishness, through caring at all. despite it, there are still hints of that hidden vulnerability about him as he follows through with his decision and approaches her, stopping a few stools away. (she makes monsters vulnerable, indeed.) ] Waiting for Lucifer?

[thevulnerability]

[ Chloe spends more time at Deux Lux than she will ever admit. She didn't want to; if anything, she wants to be away from him, from the emotions she feels around him that make her stomach twist and her brow furrow and sometimes just makes her angry. When she arrived in Wonderland, she had every intention of spending as little time as she deemed necessary to fake her way through a friendship with Lucifer. Just long enough to get home and forget all about this place.

Almost losing him threw a wrench in those plans. Less of a wrench and more of a full-fledged power tool.

Everyone else, well, that is another story. She is still struggling with the reality of the rest of it, and mental gymnastics required to keep denying what she has seen became exhausting. So, it is easier to avoid it, when she can; avoid Freya, avoid Klaus. The former eventually resolved itself, but even after talking to Freya, it didn't become any easier to approach Klaus.

The reason is simple. What Freya's mirror had done to Elena was unforgivable, but it was her mirror, not her. Klaus hadn't been a mirror. Worse, the damage he did almost killed Lucifer. Chloe doesn't have to forgive Freya's mirror. But Klaus... It isn't as a simple as separating a mirror from the Real. ]

Uh. Yeah.

[ She knows she shouldn't be surprised to see him; chances were, when it came to Lucifer, it was water under the bridge. If his relationships with Amenadiel and Maze were any indication, Lucifer has a high level of tolerance when it comes to physical altercations with people he cares about.

That doesn't make it easier for Chloe, though. It didn't make the four showers she had to take to wash Lucifer's blood of her body any easier, either. ]

Sort of. I mostly just wanted a drink. [ She clenches her jaw, turning the scotch glass in front of her in circles on the bar top. ] Did you need to talk to him?

[poppycock]

[ she doesn't need to say the words. he sees it, in the tense reception and emanating discomfort that follows, however unintentionally shown. he feels it like ice in his gut, his own jaw clenching in response.

klaus looks to the bar top as well. he looks blindly to his hand resting on it, and worries his lips.

he knows it isn't simple. he's killed like this before: uncontrollable and vicious, leaving nothing but horror and bodies in his wake. there have been many — most of those horrors and bodies — through the centuries he has intended to give and leave. he has relished in that violence. he is perfectly and enthusiastically accustomed to it.

not this.

he had nearly forgotten this.

(he never forgot.)

he knows the horror and helplessness she feels because he feels it himself. he had to clean lucifer's blood off his hands; he had to rinse off the blood of everyone he harmed and remember that powerlessness, that reminder of monstrousness. he can imagine how it felt for her, soaked in the blood of the man she loves, just as powerless. klaus swallows thickly, reaches to take off his jacket, lays in down, and sits a seat away. ] Not particularly. [ true enough. true enough because it's clear who he needs to talk to; who he wants to talk to.

klaus clasps his hands together, weaves his fingers. tightens and loosens his grip, again and again. there are few people. so very few for whom he would feel compelled to struggle and to find these words. perhaps it's because she is a mother, like he is a father. perhaps because despite the fleetingness of their interaction, he valued it like he hadn't valued anything for a long time. perhaps because through lucifer, he feels he can trust her with this vulnerability. (it's simpler, he knows: he sees hers, and he wants to make it right.) ] What I did... [ the words come quietly, after a long moment. soft. slow. rife. he cannot bear to look at her with the roundness of his eyes; his gaze stays on the top of the bar. ] I didn't mean to do, and I promise you... [ he swallows past the lump in his throat. he finds the will to look over towards her. ] I will do everything in my power to protect him.

[thevulnerability]

[ She presses her eyes shut, unable to look at him. Chloe has been drinking more than her usual amount lately (Why not? It's not like she has a job to worry about, a child to take care of, a life to live). She's not sure if the fog in her head is the alcohol or just a curse of this horrible place, the constant fear that things will just progressively get worse and worse and there is no one to arrest, no one to put on trial, no case to close to make it just go away.

Chloe isn't sure if he came here looking for her, or if it just turned out that way. She should have expected as much - Freya sought her out, too. Two people she barely knows, two people who meant something to Lucifer and thus, through that simple fact, meant something to her, too. They didn't owe her explanations for what happened. And yet, here Klaus was, offering it, unable to meet her eyes for the shame that's clear in his voice. ]

I... [ She doesn't know how to follow it. I know? Maybe, but does she? She would step in front of a bullet for Lucifer, die for him if necessary, and she knows that much. Does she trust his friends here to do the same, after all that has happened? And perhaps, more importantly, could she ever accept any of them if she didn't think they could? ]

I need to understand. [ She finally forces herself to look at him, hoping he will return the courtesy. Chloe knows she could just walk away, just let him know she can't forgive him for what happened and save herself the agony of this conversation.

But she can't. It was never her place to pass judgment, to declare a sentence. Chloe was used to what she knew - the evidence, the motive, the reasons why. More importantly, she can't deny how very alone she was, and what she had shared with Klaus. He understood her, her loss and her grieving, in a way no one else could. She understood him. She doesn't want either of them to feel alone, not here, not in this place that made everyone feel like they had lost everything, one way or another. ]

I just want to know what happened. And why. Why you... Why you couldn't stop it.

action;

[persevere]

[She's not super close with Lucifer, but Elena is, and it's impossible not to overhear things, especially in the aftermath of the mirrors wrecking havoc through Wonderland.

She knows a little about Chloe, knows she's from the same world as Lucifer, that she tried to help after Klaus did the first bit of his damage. That even after the attack, she still tried to help Elena when Caroline didn't know she needed to.

She should have been there, so to have a relative stranger care meant something to her. Their lives were complicated and it was always hard for people that got sucked into it. In Wonderland, it was that much harder to avoid.

She shows up at her door, knocking lightly, a bottle of red wine held gently in her hands as a sort of peace offering.

Hopefully she'll invite her in, or this could be...awkward.]

action;

[thevulnerability]

[ Chloe is at her desk, nearly ready to turn in for the night when she hears the knock on her door. She's taken Seth's suggestion under consideration and asked the wardrobe for a journal, making notes at the end of every day. At first, they were disjointed lists of information, eventually turning into stories and memories from home; the kind of things she feared would be robbed from her when the time came.

Coincidentally, tonight, her writings involve the information Freya had given her about vampires and witches. It had been a lot to take in, and she found herself coming back to all the strange information over and over. Thus, the interruption isn't entirely wanted, but she closes the journal and gets up to check the door.

She assumes it is Lucifer, so she is surprised to open the door and find Caroline standing there. She doesn't know the girl well; Elena had mentioned her and Chloe had seen her around the mansion, and she knows they are friends. But finding her standing at her door holding a bottle of wine is unexpected, to say the least. ]

Uh, hi. [ Chloe pauses, glancing at the bottle of wine and back to the young woman holding it. ] Caroline, right? What's going on?

action;

[persevere]

Nothing! I just--

[Okay, so that could have come out a little bitter. She sighs, holding out the bottle to her.]

Here, I brought this for you. Not that you can't just get whatever you want out of the closet, but it's the thought that counts, right? [Her lips press together briefly before she finally jumps into the real reason she's here. Which she probably should have done in the first place.] I...heard what you did for Elena. I thought I should come say thank you and, I don't know, actually meet you.

[Being friends with them didn't always come easy, she knew.]

action; back-dated to before her canon update

[interpersonal]

( elena helps run the youth center, with a strong emphasis on the curated library she personally kicked off. she spends quite a bit of time there, but nothing truly beats wonderland's library. even with all its oddities — how often the shelves move around, how you might not even find the library in the same floor, how certain books will elude you if they're the ones you need the most — there's just something about it. the smell of its books, the ornate wood, the nooks you find.

and elena does have her own little nook. it's where she does much of her research. it's where she writes in her journal when the inspiration strikes. and though she doesn't invite people often to that space, that small corner in the library that's perfect for unwinding, chloe is certainly one of those people.

she understands better than anyone chloe's desire to be useful. elena herself once battled against that feeling: the feeling of being made idle to wonderland's whims, with no real power or autonomy of her own to change anything, do anything, save anyone. it matters.

it's why she waits for chloe in this private little nook, with two cups of coffee and a plate of pastries already at hand. )

[thevulnerability]

[ Chloe has never thanked Elena in so many words, but she is thankful, and she hopes the young woman knows it.

Even after a few months in Wonderland, she is still getting used to the insanity around her, the adjustments that she has to make to not just her personality but her worldview in an attempt to accommodate what she has now seen with her own eyes. It often makes her feel helpless and alone and sad and frustrated; but through it all, it is also often amazing, and there is a part of her that can't completely hate the magic of Wonderland or the friendships that have blossomed because of it.

When she slips into the nook, Elena is already there with their coffee and breakfast, and Chloe sighs thankfully as she drops into a chair near the other woman. ]

You're a lifesaver. I feel like I haven't slept in a week. [ It's possible she hasn't, not properly anyway. ] How are you?

[interpersonal]

( elena's smile widens in greeting.

she'd wave off the gratitude if she didn't know just how rough chloe's introduction to wonderland has been. something as normal as having breakfast in a library probably does feel life-saving. ) I'm doing better. Getting back into the grind of things has helped.

( it's an honest answer, as honest as elena gets. she may no longer be the gloomy graveyard girl, but it's still second nature to say she's fine whether she is or she isn't. because she needs to believe that: that she will be fine, that she will survive all this, that when tomorrow comes she will want to greet it. )

But something tells me I should be asking you that question. ( elena wants to know how chloe is doing, as well. )

and love is not a victory march { action }

[deathlessness]

[Waking up to snowfall is never a good way to start your morning and for Freya it's no exception. From the second her feet touch the cold, hard winter ground she knew exactly which memory of hers Wonderland had chosen to prey on, and she refuses to let it have the satisfaction of toying with her.

She's going to sit in a bar and drink instead. In her pajamas. She's ceased to give a single fuck.

She tried to lock the door before she left, but it slides open just enough once she's gone. The cold drifts out from behind the door just enough to leave wisps of smoke in the air. If Chloe decides she'd rather talk to the real Freya afterwards, she's on the fifth floor.

But if she tries to change things, well. It's always going to play out the same in the end. Perhaps Rip would phrase it as time wanting to happen, but in the end, it isn't Dahlia that does Freya in. It's herself - and her desperation will always find the same violent end.]

[thevulnerability]

[ It doesn't take long for Chloe to realize what she's done; that the Freya there is not her own, but instead a part of the memory, and Chloe has infringed on the most personal grief of her friend.

She meant to help; to seek Freya out as she had Caroline, and Seth, to offer her friendship and support. Instead she is subject to Freya's tragedy, frozen in place as she watches it all unfold. She tries to change it, even knowing it's impossible. Tries to warn Freya, tries to stop it, but to no avail. In the end she is left watching her friend fall apart in front of her, helpless now as she has been since she arrived in Wonderland.

Once Chloe leaves, she pauses outside the room to shed her own tears; for Freya, for her lost child, for herself. She steals that grief as her own for a moment before forcing herself up, drying her tears and leaving the room behind.

She finds Freya.

The bar is the best place to be. Chloe slides into the chair next to her, not waiting for an invitation. It's possible that Freya doesn't want to talk, but Chloe does. She's talked freely about her own situation with Klaus more than once, finding fellowship with someone who understands the pain of being separated from a child. She thought of it as a unique bond, one few others would grasp.

Never would she have guessed that Freya would understand, too. ]

I, uh, went looking for you. I went to your room first. [ She grimaces, unable to look at her. ] I'm sorry, I was... I was worried you might still be in there.

[deathlessness]

[In some ways, she doesn't understand that grief. Her child was never a real, living thing. Her son was a pipe dream that she hoped would at least give her some measure of control over her life, but he never came to be. Instead, before he was even given a chance to live, he was snuffed out by a desperate girl consumed by grief.

Freya doesn't really think she deserves to be called a mother, after what she did. That word only lies in the things that could have been.

Still, when Chloe speaks and explains what happened, she reaches over the bar to grab another glass, and then pours her a few fingers from the bottle she's working on and nudges it over. This conversation is going to need some booze.]

It's fine. I'm sorry you had to see it.

action; {backdated to the shadow event}

[thevulnerability]

The steam is as thick as smoke, billowing around her, the heat so oppressive that Chloe isn't sure she will be able to truly survive this. Momentary regret settles inside of her; a rolling fear of what she's gotten herself into, how she is going to accept dying again, if it came to that. Her first death was, of course, what ignited all of this. The crippling fear of her own inadequacies, her insignificant role in the grand scheme of this place, Wonderland, her new normal, it all plagued her every thought and every move. When she discovered what was happening outside of the safe zone, Chloe betrays her promise to Lucifer and steps right into the thick of it, knowing in her heart it was what she has to do.

It was the same knowledge that drove her to ask Seth to kill her, the same drive that forced her into the bowels of Tartarus and again to relive her worst memory over and over again. This time, however, she doesn't seek punishment; instead, she seeks closure, albeit in the most terrifying way.

Chloe has battled so many monsters since she arrived in Wonderland, and the most terrifying of them all is herself.

Her own doubts and fears manifested in a twisted version of herself, echoing the thoughts that haunt Chloe every night. It's your fault and they all know it. You abandoned Trixie. You betrayed Seth. You let Elena die. You put Lucifer in danger. He'll leave you, he's done it before and he'll do it again. He'll find out what you are, and he'll leave you. They will all leave you.

You'll be alone. You'll always be alone.

It's not an easy fight, but it is one Chloe will win. There's little that is cathartic about it, and she finds less solace in that acceptance than she hoped. When she finally returns to the safe zone, her hair heavy and slicked with water and sweat, her eyes red and swollen, she wonders if it is worth it. The shame that comes with her weakness almost defeated her, and Chloe wonders if that light Lucifer claimed to see in her has been extinguished by the part of herself that she has been forced to confront. But she did confront it, she let that darkness in, with the hope that she will be better for it.

She still feels small, insignificant, and weak. Then she thinks of Klaus in the hallway, his hand in hers, and the simple words he murmured. You're going to be fine.

For the first time, she believes him. All those doubts and fears never go away, but their blows are softened by the kindness of her friends, their gentle and wise words, and Chloe knows her light hasn't gone out because she can see it reflecting in Lucifer's eyes.

After all, with all light comes shadow.

She's going to be fine.

christmas 2017

[poppycock]

( for chloe is a gold locket with the name "trixie" etched inside in script. attached is a note: so you can keep her close, and remember. —klaus )

ＣＨＲＩＳＴＭＡＳ 🎄

[interpersonal]

( chloe and elena have a lot of things in common. one key thing is that they like to fuss over others, and not take care of themselves nearly enough. it's because of that elena sends chloe a treat yo self basket. inside it is also a scented candle that's meant to remind her of beaches in los angeles. )

backdated | together we shall stand in the sun with a will

[interpersonal]

( mmm, nachos.

a glorious hodgepodge of cheesy goodness.

damon's bar is about to close for the evening. the man himself is by the bar, taking last minute orders. chloe and elena aren't worried. they can stick around long after the bar has closed, because elena is dating damon and chloe is their friend. another perk: all the nachos they want. it's been a while since chloe and elena had a gab fest, and naturally, she is curious about chloe's newfound relationship status. ) You have to tell me everything.

( pause. ) Okay, maybe not everything. But start from the beginning! ( a girl needs deets. )

[thevulnerability]

[ Chloe was relieved when Elena offered after hours at Damon's - it gave them some privacy, from the rest of the mansion and especially from Lucifer. Not that Chloe is hiding anything from him (at least, not anymore), but the last thing she wants to do is gush about her excitement and her trepidation within earshot.

Luckily, dating Lucifer makes him no more and no less clingy than he was before they started dating. And he never was the type to discourage her from having fun. ]

The beginning? Like, beginning beginning or when I kissed him beginning? [ Chloe smirks, snatching a nacho from the towering cheesiness in front of them and nibbling on a corner. ] Don't worry, I'll make sure to edit out the really sexy parts.

[ What, Elena, you don't want to hear about their all-night sex-a-thons? ]

[interpersonal]

Not all of the sexy ...

( she's teasing, and it becomes obvious in the grin that starts to tug on her lips.

honestly, it's just so nice to see chloe like this, like that heavy weight that'd set down on her is starting to lift. elena had been worried the last couple of times they talked, but now it's like -- the sun came up and it's a brand new day.

elena reaches for another chip, and looks over to her friend thoughtfully. ) What changed?

for Raymond Reddington // cont'd

[thevulnerability]

(( continued from here. ))

Wow. That's like, a full-fledged conspiracy theory come to life.

[ And it sounds like something she would never want to be caught up in. But Chloe knows the stakes. Her own father was killed trying to uncover something that wasn't even as powerful. ]

Why would they go after you specifically? Or your daughter?

[suspense_kills_me]

[Red wouldn't dream of catching her up, twenty-five plus years of history between himself and the Cabal.]

I want to destroy them and have ever since I found out they existed. My daughter is the easiest way to get to me.

[thevulnerability]

So that's why you had to stay out of her life to keep her safe?

text | post-event

[deathlessness]

[Naturally, in true Freya fashion, she doesn't address what happened in her initial text message. Because that would be a thing healthy people would do, and while the Mikaelson witch may have made strides in that respect, "healthy" is probably not something she'd ever be.

Sometime in the early evening, the day she comes back, Chloe receives the following text:]

Want to get a drink?

[thevulnerability]

[ Of course she doesn't. Because that would mean having to actually accept that it was really something that happened and, well, Chloe can understand that as well as anyone who died in Wonderland. She hadn't handled her own death in the most healthy of ways, after all.

That said, when she gets Freya's text, she's relieved. ]

Name the place. I'll meet you.

[deathlessness]

Fifth floor bar. See you in a bit.

[And when Chloe arrives, there Freya will be waiting, with a bottle of bourbon and two glasses already set in front of her. She hasn't poured anything yet, but the seal on the bottle's already been broken.]