thevulnerability | ic contact for mask or menace

[ Every text message he sends her makes this so much more confusing. Why was he even coming to her for this? She's the last person she expects he would want to essentially drunk dial, especially when it came to something that was obviously a sore spot for him.

Granted, Chloe had done the same in the past. She was the one who, at one of her lowest moments, got wasted and showed up at Lucifer's just so she could have sex with him. It would have been a huge mistake that seemed entirely reasonable at the moment. And he had been entirely reasonable in turning her down.

Well, not reasonable, maybe. Just kind, and understanding. And that sounds like what Diego needs now, too. ]

You didn't tell me.

But you can if you want to.

And if it's really something you want, you should do it. We all make mistakes. It doesn't mean we're doomed to repeat them.

I got kicked out. The reasons cited were... no respect for authority and unruly behavior with other cadets.
You're shocked, I'm sure.
It still sucked. A lot. It was the only thing I wanted to do and I fucked it up.
Not much a child soldier vigilante can put on their resume that works out in the real jobs of the world, you know?

[Only after he sent that last one does he realize Chloe doesn't know anything about his dad, or the experiments and abuse he was subjected to. Oh, well. There's a piecemeal crumb of information anyway.]

I don't know about that.
I don't know how to...give to the authority of someone else?
I know that sounds stupid and arrogant, but I've only ever done that with one person and I don't always fall in his line, either.
I don't know how to get over it, there's just this gut instinct to do things my own way.
I don't know why. And I don't know how to stop it.

[He's glad for texts sometimes. He really wouldn't be able to even have this conversation in person, high or not. The last part isn't completely true. He does know why, he knows exactly why, but even in his currently inebriated, loose-lipped state, he's said more than he's really comfortable with that he can't take back now.]

[ Well, that was certainly a lot of information, and very little of it surprising. Aside the bit about being a child soldier vigilante but, Chloe can stay on task for the most part so she'll grill him about that later. ]

I'm not sure if you're looking for a pep talk or someone to tell you that you're right.

[ It could go either way, with people like Diego. She's spent enough time trying to show people the better parts of themselves to know that sometimes, that isn't what they want to see, anyway. ]

But if you're looking for someone to tell you that you can't do it, you texted the wrong person. I've seen you at work. And yeah you're a major pain the ass and most days I kind of wish we did have guns so I could shoot you, but you're there. You show up and you wear the uniform and you do your job.

You don't have to give up who you are to be a cop. You just have to learn to compromise.

I don't know either.
This... isn't really where I thought this was gonna go when I text you earlier.

[And he is totally not sure how to handle it. Or how to feel about any of it. Except maybe... awkward.]

You sure about that?
Yeah, that's kind of the problem. Compromising is... not something I'm good at.
I don't wanna kowtow to anyone.

[ She's not sure she wants to ask where he thought it was going to go, but she's also willing to bet he wouldn't have an answer. Booty call jokes aside, she knows sometimes you reach out to someone not because you actually have something to say, but maybe just because you don't want to be alone for a while. ]

There's a huge difference between compromise and letting people push you around.

[ Chloe hasn't really ever told anyone this, besides Lucifer, but she figures maybe it will help. ]

A couple of years ago I accused another cop of being corrupt. I'm sure you can imagine how that went over. No one in the department would work with me. I ended up being right but even if I hadn't been I wouldn't regret it.

You don't have to fall in line. You do the right thing and everyone else doing the right thing falls in step with you. Or sometimes you walk alone. But if you're in it for the right reasons, what other people think shouldn't matter.

[ Which is kind of a lie, because it did matter to her, for a while. And then she remembered why she became a cop, and it wasn't to make friends. It was to do good, and she couldn't do that by just ignoring all of the bad around her. ]

I guess I never really learned the difference.

[Hard to tell a difference between the two when the choices were fall in line or suffer. Not that suffering is necessarily off the table if you do fall in line, but it might not be as bad, or you might skip a round of training that's more like torture.]

You didn't lose your job, or get suspended or anything for sticking to your gut and pursuing that accusation?

I didn't even make it through the academy without being told I was too headstrong and argumentative and couldn't play by the rules. You think that'd really work on a force?

I didn't get fired. Though sometimes I wondered if I should have. Or maybe I wished I had been.

[ In a way, being completely ostracized by the entirety of her department had been a worse punishment than losing her job. Granted, it's what resulted in her teaming up with Lucifer, which wasn't a bad thing.

It also destroyed her marriage, but she's not sure that was a bad thing, either. ]

I think if it's something you want that much, you can figure out how to make it work.

Why would you wish that?
It's not what you really wanted,
is it?

[He's steadily more aware of just how much he's admitted to her,
and it slowly sinks in and squirms, uncomfortable in his stomach. He may be high, and that may influence how he reacts and what he says, but it isn't a complete rewrite of his personality, the core of him still exists the same as ever-- and talking this openly? It's uncomfortable.]

Yeah... I guess I just have to figure it out.

[Not that he has a clue of where to start.]

It's not what I wanted. But I also didn't want members of my squad calling me a bitch whenever I showed up in a bar. Gets hard to ignore after a while.

[ The last time it happened, Lucifer had punched one of them out. He was always standing up for her, even and especially when she didn't want him to. ]

Listen if it's something you think you might not want to do alone I've kind of been thinking about it too.

Yeah, I guess it would.

[What else can he say to that?

That last text, though? That sends him reeling a little. He was just talking. Debating. It was an idea, not a plan he was ready to put into any kind of action, yet.]

Oh.
I'm...you know, still thinking about it, but...
yeah. Maybe.
It'd be nice to know somebody, going in, at least.

Yeah it would.

[ She's not going to pressure him, but she does suspect it would be a good idea for him. Probably for her, too. ]

Just let me know.

You gonna be ok?

I will.

Yeah, I think so.

[This was not where he expected to land when he first sent Chloe a text, but... he's not sure he hates it, either. Unexpected isn't his favorite thing in the world, but maybe sometimes it's not so bad.]

[ She didn't expect it, either. Chloe really didn't expect anything from Diego, and sometimes she's exhausted trying to get everyone else to open up to her. But it's also in her nature, and she can't really help it. ]

You can text me whenever you want to talk if it helps.

Thanks, Chloe.

You're welcome.

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